The Neptune Warrior

I saw a picture today that made me sad. It was of my family several years ago when things were intact. It was my ex-wife and my young daughter (at the time).

My attention focused on my daughter’s smile. I saw how secure and safe she felt having to parents who loved her and each other. I saw her happiness. I saw her joy.

Years later and as hurt feelings, hurtful words, and lost emotions have taken their toll and the three of us have moved into new directions to be happy in the new normal, I’ve seen the safety of that three-person tribe shift in her.

You see here is what people don’t understand. The three of us weathered allot of shit together. We went through allot. We moved to a new state where outsiders are easily shunned. We dealt with a prescription medication overdose that nearly killed muy ex. We dealt with financial pain, physical pain, emotional pain and an attempted suicide. We met challenges head on just the three of us. Damn the torpedoes it was us against the world. The three of us together we could do anything. We made our own adventures. We sacrificed TV and found entertainment in reading aloud to each other on Friday nights, we hit the woods for Thanksgiving and/or Christmas because we had no other family to go to, we created our own entertainment.

And then suddenly it was gone. The blame, the accusations, the withdrawal. It not only took its toll on a marriage it fractured a family, a community, our little tribe. We all went our separate ways to find peace, to find meaning and understanding, purpose. To find our own plugs for each hole in our individual hearts. We all had our ways of dealing with the loss of tribe. Alcohol, plastic relationships, shopping, projects, self medication, meditation, prayer, etc. We all had positive and negative things we turned to in hopes of filling that emptiness of loss of community.

This is the loss we feel as veterans when we leave our tribes. When we leave the service. One day you have these incredible responsibilities. There are familiar norms. There is a schedule. There are expectations. No one has to ask about your accomplishments, your training, your status, its on your uniform.

Diving is a tribe. It has its own set of standards. Its traditions. In Neptune Warrior we have club jackets with our accomplishments (non-military) on them. We have gatherings. We rely on each other. Diving takes many of us to various places where we can find ourselves with cool gear, speaking different languages, arduous conditions, odd tan lines, and a group of people sharing joys and challenges with each other.

Scuba groups when ran as a community is one of the best substitutes for a veteran coming into civilian life. It offers many of the same structure components as our military life offered. We can gather to work for a cause, take a journey, share an adventure, socialize after the mission, and be there to celebrate successes.